It's never easy being at the top! This week, Zendaya appeared on GQ's cover issue and explored some of her fears and worries revolving around her insecurities about not letting anyone down.
She's not only filming the next Spider-Man movie but in the height of the Coronavirus pandemic, still managed to film another movie, Malcolm and Marie, which is set to be released later this year.
Zendaya gets candid about living her potential
Zendaya had a huge 2020, winning the Primetime Emmy Award for Best Actress, and being the youngest female actress to pull it off! Not only that, but the starlet continued working on more film projects like Malcolm and Marie, as well as starting to kick off filming for Spider-Man!
Talking about what lockdown was like, Zendaya revealed that the pandemic lockdown for her was a huge opportunity to reflect on who she is outside of work.
"[COVID lockdown] was my first time just being like, 'Okay, who am I without this?'" she said. "Which is a very scary thing to confront and work through, because I don’t really know Zendaya outside of the Zendaya who works. I didn’t realize how much my job and my art were a part of my identity as a human."
The starlet continued that she feels at her best when she's on the road adding, "I feel most like myself when I’m working. I felt like, when I wasn’t working, my powers had gone away, and I was like, 'Who the f**k—' I didn’t really know who I was and what makes me happy. What do I like to do? What else do I do? What is my value? What is my purpose now?"
Through the height of the pandemic, Zendaya teamed up with her Euphoria costar, Sam Levinson, and approached him about doing an independent movie pitch.
"'What if I just stripped everything away? There’s no gimmick, no anything. What does that look like? What if it’s just a relationship piece? What if it’s just two people, one’s upset because the other one didn’t thank them for something, and they’re in one place? And that’s all it is,'" she said of the film, set to be released on Netflix February 5.
Zendaya then said of her Euphoria Emmy win that she has her statuette perched on her nightstand.
"Not even gonna lie!" she gushed, "It was just nice to roll over and see her. She was pretty. Just beautiful. Glowing!"
"In a lot of ways it feels like proving something to myself personally, yeah, but I feel like, I feel good about it for all of us. It feels like recognition that maybe we aren’t just like that little crazy show with the crazy kids, you know what I mean?" she continued.
"For me, it’s when people say that their kids watched me. They just say, 'We’re really proud of you, girl. We’re proud of you. Keep doing what you’re doing. I see you,'" she explained.
Episode 1 premieres on Dec. 6
'Euphoria': Zendaya Confirms Two Special Episodes Are Coming In 2020
"I’m just like 'Aw, thank you!' I feel like everyone at that moment becomes my auntie, and I’m just like, 'Oh, my God, I want to make you proud,'" she added.
"But that stuff really means a lot to me. I think…that me wanting to control everything is just not wanting to f**k up. Not wanting to let anybody down. And that’s why we talk to therapists," she joked.
Zendaya will be featured on GQ on January 12.
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